An Excellent Sentiment

Credit due.

Forgotten Treasures

I must credit/blame Cirque with this post, as she started it with the Peter Gabriel video. Thank or curse her as appropriate.

Maybe I Just Haven't Done Enough Drugs?
A List of Incomprehensible Music Videos From My Pre-Teen Years

1. Peter Gabriel, In Your Eyes
I think this is best summed up by an imagined post-production conversation:

Producer 1: I don't know, I just feel like none of the four versions we just filmed are fantastic.
Producer 2: I know. And we tried so many different things!
Producer 1: I really just don't know what to do. Which should we choose?
Producer 2: ...okay, bear with me a minute, I may have had a flash of brilliance. What if we don't choose?
Producer 1: What do you mean?
Producer 2: What if we take the best scenes from each version and make one video from them? Yes! It will be brilliant!
Producer 1: ...I'm sorry, I can't let you inflict such a crime on humanity. I'm going to have to kill you now. *takes out gun*
Producer 2: *dives for gun*
*Producers 1 & 2 struggle for control. The gun goes off. Producer 1 staggers, then falls.*
*Producer 2 cackles maniacally and heads off to the editing room*

Also, what was with that extended candy heart scene? Oooh, candy hearts, oooh.

2. Ace of Base, I Saw the Sign
I clearly had blocked this video from my memory in an attempt to cope, as every scene brought with it a fresh horror. If we may dismiss the obvious-- the clothes, the special effects, etc.-- I'd like to take a moment to dwell on the dance moves. You might be distracted by women, who very much evoke images of college freshman girls lip syncing to Madonna's Immaculate Collection, but the truly priceless moves come from the men of the group. If you look closely, I think you'll find that their presentation was so timeless as to apparently inspire Fergie in My Humps.

On another note, there's something about the scene where they're sitting on two the chairs that reminds me of Benny & Joon. Despite Johnny Depp, that's not a good thing.

3. Melissa Etheridge, Come To My Window
Speaking of crazy people! Who thought a psych ward would be a good concept? The song itself verges on obsessive in places, but it mostly makes an impassioned statement about lesbian relationships in society. (Well, one assumes lesbianism for obvious reasons. Maybe I'm wrong.) The addition of crazy person just makes it...creepy. Also, thanks to MTV's and VH1's tendancies to cut off the beginning and end of songs until they're really just thirty-second sound bites, I had never heard the very beginning before. And it turns out that was really okay! I could have lived without the suicidal mumbling, thanks.

I had full intentions of continuing this list up to at least five, but any more videos of this caliber and I may be forced to claw my own eyes out. Possibly more to come when I'm feeling particularly masochistic.

Further Conversations With My Father

Saw you had a bit of weather yesterday. How was it? --Dad

Totally apocalyptic. There was some very valid concern among my coworkers that the world was ending, so we left work a few minutes early to go to a bar. Because what would you do with three hours left to live? --P&G

We can not but agree on the wisdom of adjourning to the local tavern when Armageddon appears just around the corner, especially since the Rapture plan seems to have fallen though. In the future we might suggest attending an opera when you feel you have only 3 or 4 hours of mortal coil left. My guess is the by intermission you will be looking forward to an in-person introduction to your maker. Just an idea. --Dad

Prepare Yourself

When received in an email from one's father, the following immediately become the most horrifying sentences ever set down on virtual paper:

After the Dr Ruth Westheimer lecture (famous sex therapist) I sat next to her at dinner last night and we had a great time. She asked for my card and she may look you up the next time she is in Chicago.

*weeps*

Multiple Choice

What did P&G do with Friend A last night?

(A) Break our livers. Permanently.

(B) Decide that we definitely need to see Cuba before Castro dies.

(C) Eat all the sushi available in the River North neighborhood.

(D) All of the above.

Duck and Cover

Remember when I predicted Cold War: Part the Second? I was totally right.

"In 1992, Russia unilaterally ended flights by its strategic aircraft to distant military patrol areas. Unfortunately, our example was not followed by everyone," Mr Putin said, in an apparent reference to the US.

Translation: Why do you always have to ruin things for everyone else?

"If Russia feels as though they want to take some of these old aircraft out of mothballs and get them flying again, that's their decision," [state department spokesman Sean McCormack] told reporters.

Translation: Why do you always have to be like this? God.

Worth It

P&G: I would take a trip to southeast asia any day over a relationship. Trips are so much better than boyfriends.

A: Oh, that's not true.

P&G: Totally true!

A: But I like mine!

P&G: Well, okay, trips are better than most boyfriends.

A: Okay, I'll give you that.

P&G: I would give up any one of my previous relationships for a trip to southeast asia.

A: I would give up all of my previous boyfriends for a trip to Montreal.

New World Order

Bacon. Chocolate. Bacon. Chocolate.

Bacon Chocolate?

Holy shit, I'm in love.

Sounds gross? Come visit me in Chicago and I will change your mind. It's like they put jesus in candy bar form.

Two Painfully Stupids and An Awesome

Painfully Stupid #1:

What, they didn't break history enough with the first one? *claws at face*

Painfully Stupid #2:

“My gut feeling, and it’s nothing more than that,” he says, “is that there’s a 20 percent chance we’re living in a computer simulation.” My gut feeling is that the odds are better than 20 percent, maybe better than even.

Awesome:

People, this blog no longer exists in a guns or butter economy; it exists in a guns and butter economy! Translation: in the near future I will be able to afford both living room furniture and a trip to southeast asia in 08. Translation of the translation: today I got a promotion and a raise. Huzzah!

True Story

The following actually occurred last night:

Our heroine is stumbling home, perhaps a bit (a lot) intoxicated. As she approaches her front door, she notices a dark shape huddled against the door.

P&G: What the fuck?
Shape: ...
P&G: Dude, you're a pidgeon.
Shape: ...
P&G: What the hell are you doing there?
Shape: ...
P&G: ...
Shape: ...
P&G: Am I seriously standing outside my front door having a conversation with a pidgeon?
Shape: ...
P&G: Fucking pidgeon.


Please note that this entry has necessitated a new tag called "Classy."

We Are All "That Girl"

I just received an email in my inbox this morning from my college alumnae association. It began thus:

REUNION PLANNING BEGINS
Although it is nearly two years away (June 12-14, 2009), the executive board is already thinking about and planning for our five-year reunion.

I was suddenly reminded of That Girl who seemed to be taking notes with seventeen different color pens, six different color highlighters, two pencils, and a protractor...in a religion class. Oh, wait, there was at least one of Those Girls in every one of my classes.

I do not miss college. It continues:

We are looking for people who want to be involved in the process. We need:

*Reunion chair and committee who will oversee the planning for our reunion weekend
*Record book chair and committee who will put together a book about our classmates and their lives over the past five years
*Nominating chair and committee who will help with the election of executive board officers for the next five-year term

Ooh, ooh, pick me, pick me!

There is no way I would voluntarily sit on a committee --unless it's the Subcommittee of Deciding What Cocktails To Serve. Although I'm sure they could suck the fun out of that, too.

The worst part is this will obviously be only the first in a long string of emails about the process. God have mercy.

I Do Love A Good Adventure

Being sick means comfort reading. There are a number of books I can read endlessly and never be sick of: The Three Musketeers, The Count of Monte Cristo,* Tom Sawyer, and Through The Looking Glass And What Alice Found There. Then there are the authors and series that I have obsessed over: Agatha Christie,** Dashiell Hammett, and Patrick O'Brian.

Yes, it's true: I've returned to the comforting arms of Jack and Stephen, who remain the most charming couple of naval gentlemen the world of fiction has ever known. I must say, however, that well into the second book (of twenty), I am reminded of how tedious it can be when they're on shore. Jack is spending unwisely and having misguided affairs and Stephen is crawling after wildlife and pining after Diana. Guys, just go to sea already: I'm getting sick of this "peace" business and we all know it's going to end in fifty pages anyway. Valiant sea battles! Setting the studdingsails! Come on!

I may just have to switch to Monte Cristo if this book keeps them on land much longer, although there too I will, as usual, skip the first fifty pages, which are horrifically boring. Yes, yes, it's important to know why he spends the next nine hundred pages seeking out truly horrific revenge, but I've read it two dozen times: I don't need to be reminded. Straight to the revenge!

But first I'm going to make myself a cup of tea: I'm supposed to be getting comfortable, after all.


* Oooh, it's been ages since I've reread that one! I shall bump it up the list.
** Except all those Miss Marple stories, which sucked.

Sniffle Cough Whine

I have a cold. The first signs-- a baseless sore throat and a bit of a sniffle-- reared their unpleasant heads on Friday, and by this morning The Cold had seized control of everything above my shoulders in what could be called a largely bloodless coup. Alternately, it could be called a pain in my arse. You know, whichever.

Note that this is the second time I have blogged about being sick since I started this blog in February. I am a font of interesting and insightful*observations indeed! I ought to have my blog taken away from me.

To return to yesterday's zipcar post for a moment, I forgot to mention my decision-making process when it came to choosing between that company and igo, also available just down the street from me.

1. Well, okay, zipcar is a for-profit company and igo is a not-for-profit. I work at a non-profit: I know how fucked up they are. I'm leaning toward zipcar.
2. Oh look, zipcar uses the phrase "that's just how we roll" in its FAQs. We clearly share a terrible sense of humor: decision made!
   

I am all about the well-reasoned decisions.


* Initially typed this as "inciteful." I blame the military metaphor: it has a way of seizing control of one's writing in a largely bloodless coup.

Freeeeeeeee

I sold my car today. Free at last! It seemed the height of stupidity to continue paying insurance/city passes/etc. and dealing with parking/maintenance/etc. when I live in the city and take the El to work, so the car is gone gone gone.

In anticipation of this thrilling event, I signed up for zipcar, which I am also kind of excited about. I checked out the cars at the garage closest to me (a handy two blocks away), and I should warn you that I will be yuppy-stylin' my way to the grocery store/liquor store* in a BMW. I promise to adjust my driving to "asshole" accordingly.


* These are the only places I ever drive, and more often to the liquor store than the grocery store because, hello, Peapod. Although I hear the liquor store next to Whole Foods delivers, so hey, maybe I never have to leave my apartment for supplies ever again.

Odd.

Four twenty-something young men seem to be playing... beanbag toss...? On the sidewalk across the street from me. At 8:25 on a Friday night.

Um?

An hour later: Still playing. I am so confused.

Aghast

From here:

Followers of radical Islam must be deterred from committing a nuclear attack on U.S. soil, Colorado Congressman Tom Tancredo said Tuesday morning, saying that as president he would take drastic measures to prevent such attacks.

"If it is up to me, we are going to explain that an attack on this homeland of that nature would be followed by an attack on the holy sites in Mecca and Medina," the GOP presidential candidate said. "That is the only thing I can think of that might deter somebody from doing what they would otherwise do. If I am wrong fine, tell me, and I would be happy to do something else. But you had better find a deterrent or you will find an attack. There is no other way around it. There have to be negative consequences for the actions they take. That's the most negative I can think of."

I AM WITHOUT WORDS.