DAY THIRTY HURRAY I SURVIVED.
Okay, the following is awesome like a train wreck. If the idea of Disney characters being exploited white collar employees is not gold enough, Lily Tomlin's killing-the-boss fantasy in the movie has her dressed up as Snow White with eager little Disney-esque bluebirds helping her put together a nice cup of poisoned coffee.
So this is obviously winning:
Also, Dolly Parton is always awesome. Always.
THE END.
So about a half an hour ago, some of the lights in my apartment went off. Not all of them: just my kitchen and one light in the living room. Um, okay. Before I could even conceive the cranky thought that I would have to go to the basement and flip the breaker, they went back on. Excellent!
Then they did it again.
Then they did it again, but this time all the lights went out, and for a slightly longer period.
Alarming.
Back on!
Now back to kitchen + lamp. And back on.
Hypothesis: one of my neighbors needed to flip a breaker and found their way into my box instead of theirs. Fine: I shall go inform them of their grave, grave error.
But wait! I'm totally paranoid. As I start turning off my alarm so I can exit, I think: gosh, if someone wanted to enter my apartment for whatever reason, this would be a great way to get me to disable the alarm and unlock the back door. Bad plan!
Pause while I go dig up the portable panic button that will set off my alarm wirelessly. I knew that would come in handy one day.
Get keys. Turn off alarm. Listen at back door for sinister heavy breathing/clanking of weapons. Hear nothing. Unlock all four locks and open door to find the light for the back staircase on. Poke my head over the railing to find my downstairs neighbor in her pjs with flashlight in hand. Politely inform her that she's been fucking up my electric. Do not offer to help her, as am pissed off enough already. Lock all four locks. Reset alarm. Return wireless panic button to easily-accessible box.
Yeah, it wasn't that interesting. Now I have to remember how to unlock my stove and oven. Fucking gas-based appliance.
Today's awesome is thanks to M., who dug this up and emailed it to me all on her own. It made my morning.
Q: What's the most awesome part of this video? The hair? The clothes? The intense facial expressions?
A: TOO HARD, CAN'T CHOOSE.
SO CLOSE TO THE END.
I've seen about a million mash ups of this, but I had never seen the original video. It is, as predicted, awesome.
Um: moderately not safe to view at work. FYI.
Christmas music is officially allowed to infringe on my personal space beginning this week. In honor of the occasion, here's a festive ditty. (Another link. So hard!)
Please don't watch this at work. I don't want to be responsible for your unemployment.
This is not on YouTube, so you're going to have to click the link below and go to a whole 'nother site and watch it there. I know, your life is so hard.
Maintaining Your Heterosexual House of Cards
I'm spending my evening loading some of my more obscure cds onto iTunes--Jill Sobule, anyone?--and have hit the musical section. I can hardly be expected to upload without sampling as I go along, but oh my god, some of this stuff is so bad that I want to cry.
Jellicles can and jellicles do; jellicles do and jellicles can; jellicles can etc etc.
Awful.
ETA: Okay, Cats may have not held up to fifteen years of social development on my part, but I still kind of enjoy Phantom of the Opera. Even though it, too, sucks. I'm so embarrassed.
I shouldn't have blown my wad with all those awesome Blackpool clips right before November started. Oh well; here's one you haven't seen yet.
Go see No Country for Old Men. I hate violent movies but SO EFFING GOOD. FYI, a list of movies I've seen in the last year that simply should not be missed:
Volver
The Lives of Others
Lust, Caution
No Country for Old Men
Take advantage of your long weekend and rent/see some of these. Seriously. Do you want to stay friends with me? Then no arguing.
Phoning it in for the holiday. I defy you to escape without getting this song stuck in your head.
Tonight Chicago is foggy and rainy and dark and perfect for all that wonderful WWII-era music that takes up 40% of my music library.
Also, all of the google ads in my gmail inbox are showing up in Arabic. Quoi?
I can't believe I'm about to post something from College Humor, but there you go.
Equal portions horror and hilarity. I must bump this show further up my To Watch list.
After a rather rough day (week, month, what have you) I conned Cirque into letting me come over for "just a small glass of wine." I promised to be out of her hair in time to let her get dinner and call her mom, so we set the limit to an episode of House. (Hugh Laurie + pinot noir = the best I've felt in weeks.)
We split a bottle and downed it over the course of one episode, with the commercials Tivo-ed out. That's not all that long, really, considering the body processes one drink an hour.
The sad part? I feel dead sober. I could drive. I could take a standardized test. I could talk to Inappropriate Sexual Interest without making a single inappropriate comment. That's how sober I am.
I am very, very close to the tolerance I developed senior year of college. Considering The Manhattan Project of second semester, that's a little terrifying. After the Manhattan Project I actually had to stop drinking for a while just to assure myself I didn't need to consume alcohol on a daily basis. (How the hell did I graduate with honors? It's like tootsie pops: the world may never know.)
I don't know how I've developed this tolerance: I haven't gained weight, I haven't been eating obscene amounts, and I actually haven't been drinking that often. Accepting my new tolerance at face value, I consider the primary advantage to be that I am much more likely to effectively pump coworkers for information at informal get togethers and the primary disadvantage to be that I am no longer a cheap drunk.
It's a mixed bag, as you can see.
In an effort to finally unwind after these hellish weeks I'm tempted to have another drink but 1) drinking to solve problems is a bad idea and 2) I only have champagne and liquor in the house. (So decadent!) So instead I'll curl up with a good book, which is like a cocktail but not quite.
Oh Jack. Oh Stephen. You're my anti-drug.
Side Note- The writing has not flowed this easily for months! Maybe a half bottle of wine is my writer's block cure. If so, I'd better stock up and get back to poor John, who's been trying to check his email for, oh, weeks now. Poor John.
The first of my college friends just announced she's knocked up.
I am awash in horror.
Okay, this was discovered while searching for the Something There clip for Beauty and the Beast. (Don't ask.) At that time, it was the first search result, which is sadly no longer the case. I challenge you to watch this and not laugh a little and then, on second thought, actually start to wonder.*
* I have my own opinion, stemming from the additional information that the characters are based on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's old favorites.
1. Desperate need to watch Sense and Sensibility for the Alan Rickman and the Hugh Laurie. DESPERATE. Maybe I should just buy it?
2. Irritating tendency to listen to Alanis Morissette. On repeat.
3. Obsessive reading of soft science BBC articles, followed by enduring concern for my own susceptibility.
4. Inability to finish simple tasks, such as making a list.
5.
Can this really be a tribute to all things awesome without a cat video? Answer: No.
The music is what really makes it.
This is the last day of Fry and Laurie musical week, so you get a double hit of gratuitous violence! Whee!
Maybe it's because I've been working six day weeks and fourteen hour days and just haven't noticed it, but I woke up this morning after a blissful fourteen hours of sleep and noticed that apparently all the leaves fell off the trees last night. It's autumn! Which means it will be winter in very short order and I have an almost unbearable craving for apple cider.
Almost twenty years later and it's still entirely topical. SAD.
PS- Oh my god, it's only day seven. This is rapidly getting less awesome...
It's Monday: clearly we need some Fry and Laurie.
I sense that this could be a week-long theme...
OMG OMG OMG OMG.
Following the massive popularity of the Spice Girls reunion, another '90s pop giant has decided to reform. Danish band Aqua, which had huge hits with 'Barbie Girl' and 'Turn Back Time', are back together after a six-year break and will tour Europe next year.
OMG.
WHO WANTS TO GO SEE THEM WITH ME??
