Something About This Post Seems Oversexed

In lieu of telling you about the really weird dream I had last night in which I completely unexpectedly had a penis* (I know, right? It was so weird.), I will instead talk about the couch I am about to buy.

People, this couch is so awesome. I mean, yes, I was really excited about the chairs, but I'm beyond excited about the couch. You saw it in an earlier post; aren't you consumed by couch love at first sight? Let me tell you a secret: it's even better in person. The arms, they curl toward you as if to say, "hey baby, stretch out, I'm here for you." The leather, it glints flirtatiously in the light. And the flared back has all the magic of spontaneous jazz hands. Oh yeah.

To be honest, I would have sex with this couch if it were at least two of the following: human, male, and over the age of consent. I'd be all about opening a bottle of wine while turning down the lights and turning up the Barry White.

Ha ha, I bet you are so wishing this post were about the penis dream, aren't you? Seriously, the penis dream is probably less disturbing that my relationship with the couch.

But the couch, the couch. You're going to love it as much as I already do, I just know you are. Get excited: it's coming to a living room near you in six to eight weeks.


* Sorry, was the mere mention of it enough to freak you out? My apologies. Here, have a soothing video of polar bears. Better? Good.