size 7, short toes, high arches

I was ready for today with a serious, academic post about the book I’m reading. It was an analysis of one of the heretical themes in Salman Rushdie’s The Satanic Verses and, while brief, it raised a number of interesting questions about the nature of belief and faith.

But frankly, that sounds way too boring for a Friday. So let’s talk about foot fetishes instead!

A few weeks ago there was a letter in Dan Savage’s Savage Love column about a woman who thought she had found the perfect guy. Smart, interesting, considerate, and more than happy to give her a foot massage every day after work. Charming! Charming, right up until he admitted to her that he was a foot fetishist. At which point she flipped out, accused him of using her (and her feet), and dumped him.

I think that’s the most tragic story I’ve ever read in Savage Love. I would love to date a foot fetishist! What’s to dislike?

1. Foot Massages
Oh, yes please. Do I really need to say anything more on this front?

2. Pedicures
I’m always too lazy to do them for myself, even if they make my toes look edible. I wouldn’t mind having additional motivation to do them, however. And if he wanted to do them? Even better. I’ll just set up a tub of hot water, shall I?

3. Outrageous Shoe Budget
I realize foot fetishes do not go hand-in-hand with shoe fetishes, but surely he’d want my feet to be on attractive display. Admittedly I do not need someone other than myself to justify my ridiculous shoe purchases, but positive reinforcement is always welcome.

Note that a foot fetish does not substitute for any of the following characteristics: intelligence, wit, generally attractive exterior. Nonetheless, it would be a pleasant bonus.

Dear heartbroken foot fetishist with uptight ex-girlfriend— Call me!