Dubious Consent

I have a new excuse for my political affiliations.

See? It's not my fault!

Wow. Best Thing Ever.

I'm totally sick of the races by now, but this still made me laugh. Heh.

Let Me Get This Out Before It's (Potentially) All Over

Election talk here: you may wish to avert your eyes.

To be honest, I'm sick of them all. I'm sick of McCain being a crazy old man with terrifying foreign policy theories and Romney being a crazy old mormon with values he's happy to change for enough power and money. I'm sick of Huckabee and I hope Iowa is heartily ashamed. I'm even sick of Ron Paul, who has been the highlight of the Republican debates. But I am even more sick of the Democratic race, which is starting to make me want to punch someone in the face.

Why I'm sick of Clinton: stop it with the odd pseudo-emotion and the disturbing Hillary-and-Bill bullshit. It's creeping me out. Look: I like you when you're your usual nasty, power-hungry, brilliant self. Tell your advisors to fuck off and just be you for a while. And leave Bill tethered at home or something.

Why I'm sick of Obama: shut up shut up shut up. Your lack of substance is becoming really embarrassing and while you could probably coast into the White House on good looks and charm alone, that would be REALLY ANNOYING. My palm itches to slap you when you start the "Yes we can!" chant. You are reminding me why I hate my generation.

And while I'm at it...why I'm sick of JFK: Oh my god, what a lucky dog that he got assassinated. He wasn't a very good president, he was addicted to painkillers, and he very nearly got us involved in a nuclear war. Had he not been young and pretty and promptly assassinated we'd all hate him by now. I hate Americans sometimes.

That said, today will be very interesting. I'm sure I will have an opinion later this week: stand by.

Endorsements

Oh NYT, it's so hot when you read my mind like this. Or like this. Shall we retire to the coat closet?

"It’s all that immigrant fish. We’re not controlling our borders."

Ahahahahaha.

“Unlike other candidates, I have been saying since 2002 that we were headed down a disastrous road with our sushi policy,” Senator Barack Obama said. “But what we need now is a president who will not use this crisis just to scare up votes.”

“We need a president who can get past the tired, old partisan divisions that pit one kind of fish against another,” Mr. Obama said. “It’s fine to get the mercury out of tuna. But all fish are in this together. We can’t rest until we have safe sushi of all types, all across this great land. To those who say we aim too high, we say, ‘Yes, we can.’ ”

And also:

Former Senator John Edwards said that the sushi menace underlined the widening gulf between rich and poor. “We have to stand up for the millions of impoverished Americans who go to bed every night unable even to dream about tuna sushi,” he said. “This is the other America, not the fat cats plunking down $400 at places like Masa in New York.”

“We need to speak up for the little guy,” Mr. Edwards said, “the guy who gets mercury poisoning and then sits for hours in a hospital emergency room because he can’t afford health insurance.”

And of course:

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton warned against “false hopes” that the sushi menace would soon be over. She declined to pledge that, if elected, she would have all mercury out of tuna within four years. “But I can promise,” Mrs. Clinton said, “that on Day One, I will be ready for action.

“Experience counts, and I’ve been eating sushi almost since that transforming day when I heard Martin Luther King speak in person.”

You should go read it for the Republicans and, of course, President Clinton.

How Romantic

"New York Times to endorse Hillary Clinton for president."

It's a good thing I agree or I'd have to break up the the NYT. The last time I broke up with the NYT was my senior year of college, roughly four years ago. I don't remember why we broke up (maybe it was Times Select?) but I do remember inflicting my misery on my friends for a whole week and half before allowing the paper to grovel its way back into my heart.

If Times Select (or whatever) was the equivalent of a minor indiscretion, this endorsement is a really kick ass Valentine's Day gift: dinner, champagne, and maybe a tasteful piece of jewelry. Someone's getting lucky this weekend, let me tell you.

It Has Been Far Too Long Since I Last Horrified You With My Political Leanings

I found myself nodding a lot as I read this post. (Um, why I was on the blog in the first place is a long story. Although I like this woman! She seems cool.)

So in doing the research (and I swear I was totally objective and journalistic) here's what I found on each of the Republican candidates' websites regarding women and families and children:

Nothing.

Not a thing.

Unless you count fetuses which are apparently a very big deal.

There's no Supporting Parents and Caring for Children category laid out with like 8 zillion super specific proposals as there is on Clinton's site. There's no comprehensive Working Families category as on Edwards' site. Heck, Obama has a simple, all-encompassing category entitled Families. You'd think Romney, McCain, Guiliani, Huckabee, or Paul could manage that.

Good point, not that I'm surprised. I also think this is very well articulated:

After really tearing into all of their websites, Senator Clinton absolutely blew me away with the comprehensiveness of her proposals, the detail of her plans, and her thorough understanding of the issues and how they play out within the political machine, and exactly how each plan could be paid for. Blew me away. Just read her agenda for working families if nothing else.

When she says she's ready to hit the ground running, she's not kidding.

That is something I feel very strongly about, actually, and a point I think is being overlooked by the general public.

Go read the whole post: it's worth it. Most people reading this don't have families yet, but we all will someday. Heck, maybe while the winner of this election is still president, if he/she is a two-termer.* It should be important anyway, but it's going to be very personally important sometime soon.

* I think that is the first time I've resorted to the 'he/she' style while talking about the presidential race. SO GREAT. I love it.

That's...Pretty True, Actually

In the words of that Clinton adviser: "If you have a social need, you're with Hillary. If you want Obama to be your imaginary hip black friend and you're young and you have no social needs, then he's cool."

Link here.

On a side note, this article (well, blog post) puts the dilemma in very simple and clear terms. I favor Clinton for reasons other than the fact that she's a woman*, but I wonder how much of my conviction is a knee-jerk reaction to the fact that she's a woman, damn it, and we deserve this.

Personally? One day I want the gender of a candidate to be irrelevant, but the reality is that today it's not, and that matters to me. So maybe a good chunk of it is the fuck you, I want to see a woman in that office. Is that...bad? People vote the way they do for all sorts of reasons--don't even try to tell me that Obama's attractiveness isn't giving him a boost--so why not this one?



* Personal to Obama: the message of change is great and all, but have you considered substance? Because I haven't heard anything that's impressed me. No wonder Kerry endorsed you: you're the younger, prettier version of his not-Bush candidacy.

Best Campaign Ad Yet

Seriously, you're going to vote for him now, right?

PS: Nooooo! Mahmoud is not a madman! You can tell from his blog! (Go to the pictures section; you won't regret it!)

Beady Little Bloodshot Eyes

This is actually quite horrible, but the "putting it in context" section at the end of the article is pure brilliance:

In 2005 The Sun told how squirrels in Brixton, South London, became hooked on crack cocaine hidden by addicts in gardens. Residents said the tufties had bloodshot eyes and were “digging desperately” in flower-beds. In the US, crack squirrels are a recognised problem in New York and Washington DC parks.

(Emphasis mine.) Yes, that's right, by "crack squirrels" they mean squirrels that are addicted to crack. And they just threw that in there as a "The More You Know..." addendum. God, our tabloids are such crab compared to British tabloids. When was the last time you read about crack-addicted rodents in the Red Eye?

Duck and Cover

Remember when I predicted Cold War: Part the Second? I was totally right.

"In 1992, Russia unilaterally ended flights by its strategic aircraft to distant military patrol areas. Unfortunately, our example was not followed by everyone," Mr Putin said, in an apparent reference to the US.

Translation: Why do you always have to ruin things for everyone else?

"If Russia feels as though they want to take some of these old aircraft out of mothballs and get them flying again, that's their decision," [state department spokesman Sean McCormack] told reporters.

Translation: Why do you always have to be like this? God.

Aghast

From here:

Followers of radical Islam must be deterred from committing a nuclear attack on U.S. soil, Colorado Congressman Tom Tancredo said Tuesday morning, saying that as president he would take drastic measures to prevent such attacks.

"If it is up to me, we are going to explain that an attack on this homeland of that nature would be followed by an attack on the holy sites in Mecca and Medina," the GOP presidential candidate said. "That is the only thing I can think of that might deter somebody from doing what they would otherwise do. If I am wrong fine, tell me, and I would be happy to do something else. But you had better find a deterrent or you will find an attack. There is no other way around it. There have to be negative consequences for the actions they take. That's the most negative I can think of."

I AM WITHOUT WORDS.

Hard Hitting News

The top three most emailed stories when I checked the BBC website this morning:

1. U.S. Cat Predicts Patient Deaths

2. Unusual Car Purr Was Stuck Kitten

3. Tabby Cat Terror For Black Bear

Because obviously kittens are today's most pressing global issue. Save the kittens! Or damn the kittens! Or something!

Speaking of, I was deeply amused to note that this article in the NYT Magazine managed not to mention the real reason for the item's popularity. Look, I know this is supposed to be a family-friendly paper and all, and that implying that masturbation causes your deity of choice to kill something cute and fluffy is kind of edgy, but come on! If the premise of your article is that this particular product, never marketed to a U.S. audience, became popular through its use in silly photoshop jokes, then you have to talk about the original photoshopped piece.

...okay, apparently kittens are something I want to read about in the news. Nevermind then.

The BBC Remains My Favorite News Source

I'll be out of town for the next four days, so don't expect any updates. Not that that's a change, really.

Nuclear Threats: A Picture Book

The BBC is really awesome about making big, abstract news stories much more digestible, usually using pretty pictures. As a follow up to last week's briefing about the whole missile defense shield brouhaha, here are some pretty pictures from the BBC that explain the heart of the conflict.


And see, this is why the BBC is great. Before I saw this, I was definitely of the "Seriously, isn't Russia just overreacting?" mindset. Then I saw this map and switched to "Holy shit, no wonder they're freaking out, we're batshit crazy."

Even better than that map, though, is today's animated illustration of how a missile defense shield works. Watch as a missile is launched by "an enemy of the US!" Very exciting. And by 'exciting,' I of course mean 'holy shit we're all going to die.'

In conclusion:
Russia = justifiably freaked
USA = batshit crazy
rest of world = doomed

Cold War II: Electric Boogaloo

I am totally digging this wacky Russian kerfuffle. Tension! Drama! Suspense! God, this is so awesome. For those who do not obsess over half a dozen news sources every morning, let's meet the characters.


Putin

Quote: “If part of the strategic nuclear potential of the United States finds itself in Europe and, according to our military experts, threatens us, then we will have to take corresponding retaliatory steps. What are these steps? Of course, we will have to have new targets in Europe.”

Role in the debate: The crazy guy with the gun.

Why he's awesome: Everyone's thinking it, but he says it. Also is not at all hesitant to drag us all right back into a Cold War.

Bonus: His assassinations are straight out of a John Le Carre novel. Someone's been doing his Cold War homework!


Bush

Quote: "My message will be: 'Vladimir -- I call him Vladimir -- you shouldn't fear a missile defense system. As a matter of fact, why don't you cooperate with us on a missile defense system? Why don’t you participate with the United States?'”

Role in the debate: Comic relief.

Why he's awesome: He seems totally shocked by Russia's reaction to having really big missiles pointed in its direction. What? What do you mean, someone's going to lose an eye? Awww, you never let me have any fun.

Bonus: "Vlad— can I call you Vlad? No? Oh."


Nato

Quote:President Putin's comments are "unhelpful and unwelcome."

Role in the debate: Ineffectual ombudsman.

Why it's awesome: The soundbites always sound like a scolding mother.

Bonus: None, really; I imagine it will just continue to issue statements without actually doing anything.


Sarkozy

Quote:He will have "frank talks" with Putin.

Role in the debate: Bartender, fueling the fight with booze.

Why he's awesome: See "bartender" above.

Bonus: France + military issues = instant hilarity.


Kaczynski

Quote: "This is language which has never been used by Yeltsin, nor Gorbachev and not even Brezhnev... This is the language of Khrushchev."

Role in the debate: Panicky hostage who gets shot in the first scene.

Why he's awesome: Obviously now is the time to whip everyone into a frenzy!

Bonus: No one knows who this guy is (PM of Poland, FYI), but he is clearly all! fired! up!


Blair

Quote: ...

Role in the debate: Three blocks over having a spot of tea.

Why he's awesome: He has clearly embraced his lame duck status; I haven't heard a single peep from him.

Bonus: Maybe he'll invite everyone over for tea.


Anyway, this has the potential to be my favorite political situation yet. Fingers crossed we keep being assholes and Russia keeps drifting toward a totalitarian regime!

I heart RBG

The current Supreme Court makes me cranky. *mumble mumble* partisan decisions *mumble mumble* unbalanced court *mumble mumble* haaaaaaate.

I was very happy, then, to read this article about Ruth Bader Ginsburg. “She is accusing the other side of making political claims, not legal claims.” Damn straight!

I am so pleased that she's making a fuss about it. The partial-birth abortion decision pissed me off mightily ("Precedent? What? Sorry, I must have been in the bathroom when we discussed that in law school."), and I quite enjoyed the scathing dissent. Sure, it's not a Scalia dissent, but the ability to produce that kind of vituperative castigation does not emerge overnight. I have high hopes.

I have very much missed Sandra Day O'Connor's voice on the court, but I am much heartened by this indication of Ginsburg's transformation. Supreme Court steel cage deathmatch? Oh, I hope so.

On a side note, I found the last paragraph of this article regarding the Pay Disparity decision extremely interesting:

In her opinion, Justice Ginsburg invited Congress to overturn the decision, as it did 15 years ago with a series of Supreme Court rulings on civil rights. “Once again, the ball is in Congress’s court,” she said. Within hours, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York, who is seeking the Democratic nomination, announced her intention to submit such a bill.

Holy Shit

Giuliani just came out with a pro-choice platform. I am SHOCKED.

...[Mr. Giuliani's aides] argued that abortion and other social issues were not as decisive for Republican primary voters in this election, providing Mr. Giuliani with an opportunity to break from a 30-year tradition and run as a Republican nominee who supports abortion rights.

Whoa. I mean, sure, I'm not at all surprised he supports choice privately, but to make it part of his platform is another thing entirely.

Let me preface the following with the statement that, yes, Giuliani is an insane fascist and I would be slightly terrified to have him as our President. However: if this precedent means more Republicans can move further left on social issues I will be wildly happy, and I think Giuliani's fairly awesome for taking a stand. Admittedly he didn't have a whole lot of choice, given the publicly available records that reveal his habitual donations to Planned Parenthood, but still: damn, that takes balls. Well done, Rudy.

I would kind of love to see a Giuliani vs. Clinton race/deathmatch. The craziness would be exceedingly entertaining. Media frenzy!

I think I'm officially rooting for Giuliani to become the Republican nominee, just for the sheer insanity of it all. Go fascism go!

Health + Politics + Excessive Parenthetical Notation

So I called my mom (oh please, what do you do when you get sick? that's what I thought) and she advised me to take my temperature. Smart! Good thing someone has a brain around here.

It turns out I have a fever (hi, infection! how are you today? thriving?), so I am hauling myself off to a doctor at 1:45 today. Wish me luck: I played Northwestern Hospital Referral Service roulette, which turned out well the last time I tried it. Google has not turned up any horrific malpractice lawsuits, but one never knows.

In the meantime, being sick is boring, so I'm amusing myself by watching clips of last night's GOP debate. There is something horribly wrong when Rudy Giuliani sounds the most reasonable. All of these candidates are terrifying.

News these days just sucks

Supreme Court Upholds Ban on Abortion Procedure

The decision pitted the court's conservatives against its liberals, with President Bush's two appointees, Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Samuel Alito, siding with the majority.

Justices Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia also were in the majority.

I miss you, Sandra Day O'Connor.