I'm Famous Now

I've never before been google-able. Of course I've checked— and don't look at me like that, I know you've done it too. Job interviews and all of that: one always wants to be sure that future employers won't turn up those pictures of you drunk off your ass at a college party wearing skimpy lingerie. (Not a randomly chosen example; they really exist! But are not available on the internet, as far as I'm aware. Thank goodness).

Back to the point! A friend recently informed me that I am, in fact, now google-able, so of course I went ahead and tried it for myself. And behold: there I was, the second result, right behind some woman who wrote a travel guide to Venezuela. I am so internet famous!

I owe it all to my place of employment which, being a rather famous institution, is linked extensively by the rest of the internet. Thanks, internet! I feel so loved.

I'd also like to thank my parents, without whom I would not exist, and my friends, without whom I would be a much more boring, sober human being. I couldn't have made this happen without your love and support! And- I wasn't going to announce this now, but I just feel so moved- since I'm famous and all now, I'm going to go ahead and adopt my African baby tomorrow! Contractural obligations and all: you know how it is. I'm taking country-of-origin suggestions— you can hand your vote to the nearest usher. Fingers crossed for somewhere with a fashionable genocide!

Stay cool, internet!