World's greatest comic concept: Bar-Toons. "One man. One pint glass. Unlimited napkins. No erasing."



The above really sums up the essence of drunk for me. NO YOURE DRUNK HAHA.

Dubious Consent

I have a new excuse for my political affiliations.

See? It's not my fault!

This is awkward, isn't it?

It's so hard to blog again after a long absence. You feel obligated to post something really awesome. Something that will make up for your neglect and make your 2.3 readers love you again. I struggled, I really did. "What do they want?" I mused. "Maybe...an excessively cute music video? An amusing yet shockingly true blog? An in depth analysis of why, precisely, I find it so disturbing to be unable to identify every soloist in "We Are the World?"

[On a side note, this is when I thought about writing a book titled "One Dozen Outlandish Lies, or, Twelve Reasons I Haven't Updated My Blog," but then I realized that if I could come up with those twelve reasons, I wouldn't be mulling/mulling/angsting in the first place.]

But finally, I have found the perfect post-worthy thing: here it is.

Read. Take your time. Really enjoy it. It's worth it.

A Few Memorable Lines From the Last Two Days

"What if he's bisexual?"
"I think if he's bisexual everyone wins."

And this morning's, which made me laugh so hard I snorted:

"We asked around and people are really on the fence about it. It could to either way."
"Oh, hon, there is no fence."
"There's just pasture?"
"There's just green, green pasture."
"...AKA the Hudson River Valley."

Apologies for the inside jokes, but they must be recorded for posterity.

Wow. Best Thing Ever.

I'm totally sick of the races by now, but this still made me laugh. Heh.

I Know It's Rather Overdone

...but Joshua Tree really is an excellent album.



I am spending my Saturday night reading Sherlock Holmes, listening to old albums, and drinking a bottle of wine. It is the best Saturday night ever. Being a hermit is awesome.

Gotta go- need more wine.

Let Me Get This Out Before It's (Potentially) All Over

Election talk here: you may wish to avert your eyes.

To be honest, I'm sick of them all. I'm sick of McCain being a crazy old man with terrifying foreign policy theories and Romney being a crazy old mormon with values he's happy to change for enough power and money. I'm sick of Huckabee and I hope Iowa is heartily ashamed. I'm even sick of Ron Paul, who has been the highlight of the Republican debates. But I am even more sick of the Democratic race, which is starting to make me want to punch someone in the face.

Why I'm sick of Clinton: stop it with the odd pseudo-emotion and the disturbing Hillary-and-Bill bullshit. It's creeping me out. Look: I like you when you're your usual nasty, power-hungry, brilliant self. Tell your advisors to fuck off and just be you for a while. And leave Bill tethered at home or something.

Why I'm sick of Obama: shut up shut up shut up. Your lack of substance is becoming really embarrassing and while you could probably coast into the White House on good looks and charm alone, that would be REALLY ANNOYING. My palm itches to slap you when you start the "Yes we can!" chant. You are reminding me why I hate my generation.

And while I'm at it...why I'm sick of JFK: Oh my god, what a lucky dog that he got assassinated. He wasn't a very good president, he was addicted to painkillers, and he very nearly got us involved in a nuclear war. Had he not been young and pretty and promptly assassinated we'd all hate him by now. I hate Americans sometimes.

That said, today will be very interesting. I'm sure I will have an opinion later this week: stand by.