Jealous: Totally Jealous

Long story short, I was looking at the wikipedia entry for Helena Bonham Carter and found this paragraph:

Bonham Carter was in a relationship with actor Kenneth Branagh (with whom she appeared in several films) from 1994 to the summer of 1999. She then briefly dated actors Rufus Sewell and Steve Martin.[11] In October 2001, she began her current relationship with director Tim Burton, whom she met while filming Planet of the Apes. She has appeared in all of his subsequent films. They live in adjoining houses with a connecting hallway. The home was built when Helena became pregnant with the couple's first child, son Billy Ray Burton, who was born on 4 October 2003. At age 41, she gave birth to her second child, a daughter, on 15 December 2007 in Central London, though the baby's name has not yet been released.[12]

Okay, I'm so jealous that I have to resort to a list in order to accurately express my jealousy:

1. Best. Dating. Life. Ever. Srsly.
2. Rufus Sewell!
3. Steve Martin!
4. Tim Burton!!!
5. "They live in adjoining houses with a connecting hallway." Oh. My. God. That is the most amazing thing ever. Ever! I am awash in jealousy. AWASH.

I'm sorry, I can't go on: I have to go wail and gnash my teeth and mourn the fact that I forgot to be Helena Bonham Carter in this life. God damn it.

Interlude: Panic/Horror

The first of my college friends just announced she's knocked up.

I am awash in horror.

Prepare Yourself

When received in an email from one's father, the following immediately become the most horrifying sentences ever set down on virtual paper:

After the Dr Ruth Westheimer lecture (famous sex therapist) I sat next to her at dinner last night and we had a great time. She asked for my card and she may look you up the next time she is in Chicago.

*weeps*